BUILD A STRONG SELF-FOUNDATION
Q: I am weak and get easily swayed by people and events. One minute I tell myself I want to do something, the next minute I change my mind. In the end, I achieve little and end up disappointed not only to myself but to other people as well. What causes this? How can I change this?
A: Not having an empowering purpose, clear personal boundaries and strong self-confidence are the usual reasons why people end up the way you have just described. The lack of all these weaken people’s resolve. They have nothing to anchor on in life, which weakens their decision-making and makes them unsure of what to do when faced with a situation or event. Because of this they float, they are fickle-minded, get easily influenced and eventually get lost in the wilderness of life.
I suggest that you work with someone to help you to gain greater clarity of your life so that you will be clear about what you want, do not want and the courage to state your stand for greater assertiveness. When you can do that, your life will never be the same again.
- What are the areas in your current life you treasure most and want people to respect?
- How can you communicate this to others?
- What will you do and say when people revoke it?
- What will make you to be self-assured, without feeling guilty?
COMMITMENT IS THE ANSWER
Q: I have always wanted to change for the better because there is so much animosity, hatred and most of all, unhappiness in me. Due to this, I do not have any real good friend because before I can get close to them, something about my behaviour will cause friction and misunderstandings that lead to arguments and eventually, parting ways.
I cannot go on like this, especially when age is catching up. I will end up lonely and bored with life. How can a coach help me that is different from counsellors that I had sought help from before?
A: You remind me of a person I once coached to improve her selling skills. She asked me to find her creative ways to motivate her to sell! The impression I got of this person was that she did not want to do anything to change herself but wanted someone else to miraculously change her!
Your case seems to be similar. A counsellor or anyone cannot do anything for you if you are not mentally, emotionally and physically committed to the change itself.
We professionals only own the process, while you own the goal. We support and guide you but you need to work to get to your goals.
So be honest with yourself as to whether you really want to change. With this mindset, you will then be ready, open and positive to the life-changing process that the Coach (or others) will do together with you.
- Do you really want to change?
- What exactly do you want to change?
- What will you do to make the change?
- What mindset do you want to have when you work with a professional to support you in this?