by JERI XIE
No One Says It Is Easy
When your mother pushed you out of her womb, it wasn’t easy for her but she still did it anyway. She knew it was going to hurt but she knew she would receive the greatest joy when she could finally see your face. While she was going through those sufferings for hours, your dad witnessed the pain and was reminded not to take this most wonderful woman of his life for granted.
Then, when you finally came out of your mother’s womb, the doctor knows best how you can take that first breath. She gave you a good smack on your butt. “Ouch, it hurts!” and with that you experienced your first cry and breath. Being pushed out of your comfort zone was the first thing you experienced, the little smacking pain was the second, and learning to breathe was the third thing when you are out into this world. These are the tell-tail signs the nature of this universe is telling us – nothing comes without pain.
“What??! Are you telling me I need to experience pain in everything I do?” you may ask.
No one likes to experience pain but what I am saying is, pain is part of life. Pain is only magnified when you refuse to accept the pain that is in the process, unable to find greater meaning than the pain and let it pass. That is how pain is prolonged and become what we called “suffering”.
No one says it is easy, but here are 3 mindsets you should have that will help you in getting through tough times:
- Accept that pain is part of the learning progress – Resistance only creates more pain because a tense muscle definitely feels more pain. Surrendering to suffering allows us to pass beyond it. Mental and emotional pain cannot dissolve until we acknowledge that they exist. Rather than interpreting is as a punishment, we can choose to see pain as just another bodily sensation. We certainly do not have to enjoy it, but we can strive to accept pain as a part of being human and is part of the learning progress that prepares us for a better and happier life.
- Pain build muscles – Many life-changing decisions are often made during a life struggle, which often need us to shift out from our comfort zone. There is a saying: “The quality of our decisions determines the quality of our life.” We are here on this earth to learn by making better decisions. Pain builds your mental and emotional muscles to strengthen us. They are not here to destroy us and the better life lies ahead of us.
- One step at a time – Like a baby trying to make his first crawl. It isn’t easy as well. He hasn’t got the strength yet, but Mother Nature has her way. From learning to crawl, the baby built some little muscles. And what’s next? Learning to stand and then walk. It would never come across to him that it will hurt if he falls on his first few walking steps. He experienced that fall, he cried in pain but he will soon grow out of it. From crawling to standing, from standing to walking and then running. When will learning ever stop for him? Never. Does it happen all at once? No. It takes time and you just need to learn to be patient with one step at a time.
By opening ourselves to the experience of pain, we will discover not weakness, but unexpected courage within ourselves. Yes, no one says it is easy and you need not go through it alone. In times like this, talk to a Life Coach.
Jeri Xie (https://sg.linkedin.com/in/jerixie)
Founder of KOZENN (http://kozenn.com)
Principal Business HR Consultant | Trainer | Professional Coach